A balanced life has been touted as the ultimate in mastery of the adult experience. The ability to give equal attention to career, family, wellness and leisure seems to be close to having it all. Actually, one of the most commonly used coaching tools; the Wheel of Life plots levels of satisfaction in the above categories on a wheel-shaped diagram. The “bumpiness” of the circle highlights areas in need of attention. Lately I find myself questioning the notion of balance. For instance, is putting as much emphasis on work as we do on our health or relationships really… healthy? For some people, absolutely. For others, definitely not.
Did you ever get swept-up in a project or a commitment only to realize that you’ve been neglecting a promise you made to yourself or your family? The key here is “swept-up”, which implies not being in choice. Taking ownership of our own lives means we’re allowed to prioritize, even when there is a cost, which can be monetary or perhaps judgment by others. After all, one individual’s priorities can’t possibly mirror another’s. Who’s to say that at certain times in our lives, service to others shouldn’t outweigh leisure or career? Or, if you’re starting a business or creating an art piece, perhaps you’ll need extra focus-time at your office or studio.
There are life events that can throw all semblance of balance out the window: For example, a new infant can single handedly turn your world upside down. Fighting the chaos and lack of sleep in order to maintain “normalcy” will likely cause tension, whereas letting go of old priorities will create space for easing into the transition. Balance is fluid, always in motion and adapting to what’s present in our lives.
I remember when my nephew was about one week old, my sister and I packed him into the snuggly then proudly took off for a walk in NYC. We were four blocks from her home when we entered a shop owned by a woman from India. She was not only astounded that the baby was out in public, but almost incensed that my sister had left her house. In this woman’s experience, new mothers are cared-for by family and rarely leave the house for the first month of her newborn’s life (we scurried back home with our tails between our legs). I use this example to highlight our culture’s need to maintain balance by carrying-on as usual, even in the midst of life-changing events. I look back now and wonder where were we going? Why were we shopping? Shouldn’t my sister and her new baby have been home, napping, nursing and easing into their new lives together?
My definition of a balanced life would be one that reflects relationships, intentions and choices based on an individual’s values. I also think we need to slow down. If a half-hour of gardening feels more fruitful than attending a professional workshop, I say tip the scale.
To be honest, I have a bit of a conundrum here. The tagline for my business reads: Fulfillment, Clarity, Balance… whoops. I may need to change that!
photo by nina weinberg doran
Comments
LOLOLOL i think your right on the tag….of balance but then what do all of those really mean?? for you . for someone else .. all different… balance for someone may mean the scales are tipped one way……… the other notion of balance may work for someone else. but not for all… i definitely don’t fit into that mold…. love your piece.. well said.. kudos to you.
nice photo !
The photographer is a close friend of mine!
Love the way this post changes the idea of balance to the idea of fulfillment, such as the half hour of gardening. And I am pleased to see you showing respect to the lady from India’s cultural beliefs and preferences–and learning from that encounter. Oh, let us always learn, learn, learn–there is a lot of automatic balance to be gained thereby.
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. That encounter happened 27 years ago – it left quite an impression!
Ah – interesting post on balance. I often talk to people about finding the right balance for themselves in their lives. I don’t view balance as something made of equal parts or weightings – not when it comes to life anyway. When I think of work, for instance, it has less of a weighting than say my family. When I give 100% at work (and that is most days) it looks a lot different than 100% at home. I suppose another way to think about it is that it is all relative. I am not going to give equal attention to all aspects of my life. If that means I won’t have the “ultimate mastery of the adult experience” then so be it.
I also think that fulfillment leads to balance – or it may lead to the semblence of balance anyway. It is amazing how the 30 minutes of gardening can make one feel more fulfilled and therefore more in balance. That is certainly the way I experience it.
I am in no way saying that my Wheel of Life has no “bumpiness” to it. It is less bumpy where I feel more fulfilled no matter what weighting I’ve given that slice.
I sure hope this makes sense. I know what I’m trying to say and not sure if I am being clear.
I will also add that I really enjoyed reading this post. It really made me think a lot about balance and fulfillment and where in my life there is opportunity for less bumpiness. Thanks so much, Joan!
Pauline, I think you’re right about fulfillment leading to balance. I know that when I’m in the zone re: work or home, I actually feel a sense of balance. I think I see it as more internal, rather than visual. Thanks for your thoughts!
Joanie,
I loved reading your blog post on Rethinking Balance. The sentence “Balance is fluid, always in motion and adapting to what’s present in our lives” especially resonates with me. I actually just journaled about that this week.
It is also true that the balancing act that will bring fulfillment to each individual will look different than the next one. That’s why when I give Balancing Act Workshops, I always ask the attendees to define their own definition of balance (and definition of success for that matter). It is amazing that many of us may think we know what we want in “a balanced and fulfilled life”, but when conscious,focused attention is put on the subject, what appears might be quite different than what we thought it would be. It is a very clarifying moment.
As for me, in recent weeks, I realized my balance had tipped to too much volunteer work that took away from my family play time. And although all of the volunteer activities are very much fulfilling for me, the overall balance scale has shifted. So this week I am addressing that.
Here is another tip I learned over the years as to how to know whether the balance is off: Listening to my body and my inner core voice. Those are our precious assets that we can always count on to tell the truth.
With Love,
Sibel
Sibel, Thank you for your response and for the tips on listening to your body for clues. So wise!