I’ve been toying with the best way to share highlights from my training in Texas with Brené Brown. Rather than sum-up the entire weekend at once, I’ve decided to write about it in small chunks and hopefully begin a dialogue about some of the key learnings.
First, let me explain what I was doing in Texas in the first place: The weekend class was a training for coaches and therapists in facilitation of a curriculum Brené Brown created, based on her research of shame resiliency. The curriculum is made up of experiential exercises, stories, videos and readings, and is designed for both groups and individual clients. I am a huge fan of Brown’s work, and so impressed with all three of her books: Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection and I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t). Her writing speaks to me in a way that’s real, accessible and spot-on as far as the universal themes with which we all struggle. I am so excited to be able to offer this work in my coaching practice!
Brown states that as humans, we are “hard-wired for connection (love and belonging).” She discovered that the one thing people (who experience true connection in their lives) have in common, is the belief that they are worthy of love and belonging.
So… what is so prevalent in our culture that gets in the way of experiencing connection? Brown says its SHAME. Her definition of shame – The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Brown claims this is because we live in a culture of “not enough”: e.g., not smart enough, not thin enough, not successful enough, not cool enough. If we are consistently fed the message that we’ll never measure-up, we feel shamed and therefore shut down, unlovable, unworthy, and disconnected. When shame is played-out in a family system, just imagine the number it does on the egos of children and the adults they grow to be. The same is true for organizations where shame is a prevalent part of the culture.
How do our lives change when we stop living in shame, fear and disconnection? I plan to cover this in upcoming blog posts, so stay tuned!
Of course, I love to receive comments here. What is your reaction to Brené Brown’s thoughts on shame? Where does shame live inside of you? Have you conquered shame somewhere in your life? If you feel so-moved, please share to get this important conversation going. No shame here – promise.
~ Joan
If you would like to know more about Brené Brown’s research, I highly recommend her TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability.” She is inspirational, brilliant and very funny! https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html