photo by Nina Weinberg Doran
Gossiping about another person is never a good idea, but what about trash talking about our selves? Isn’t it interesting how we tolerate the cruelest and most hurtful comments we make about our own bodies, our minds and our failures? Do these sound familiar? “I’m so FAT”, “I HATE my life”, “I’m so STUPID”. We wouldn’t stand for this type of abuse from another person, yet self-disparaging remarks practically live on the tips of our tongues.
The thing about trash talk is the more we speak it, the more we believe it. Someone said to me years ago: “Positive things don’t come from negative thoughts”. It was a simple statement that has become somewhat of a mantra. I also believe that positive outcomes aren’t born from self-denegrading remarks. But, breaking the pattern of shame isn’t easy. If you look in the mirror and say “UGH”, chances are your posture, your voice and your energy will reflect that statement. Imagine what would happen if we looked in the mirror, and simply said “nice”. It’s more likely that we’d wear something, eat something and say something reflective of that statement. Self-compassion is the first step toward taking good care of our selves.
Will you join me in an experiment? I am making a promise for one week – No self-disparaging remarks uttered out-load, under my breath or to myself (includes “joking” around with others). What effect will it have on my life? Any guesses? I’m looking forward to reporting back with my findings.
Let’s trash the trash-talk.
What do you say, gorgeous?
Comments
Joanie –
Great post! Within the last 2 weeks I’ve coached two of my clients on just this. They both disparage themselves constantly. I’ve made them aware of how much they do this and how they would not let anyone else talk to them the way they talk to themselves. (After all, weren’t we all taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?) One thing I’ve asked them both to do is to notice when they are doing it and end their comment with the word Sweetie. It works! If I hear them verbally abusiving themselves the first word I say is Sweetie. It is pretty amazing how it changes things.
I will commit to make every effort to not trash talk – either out loud or under my breath. I will commit to noticing when I do or when I am tempted to and stop myself. It will be a positive week!
Thanks for the reminder that I should be kind to myself too!
Pauline
Funny thing, I got this email right after I left a presentation that had not gone so well, and what was I doing? Trash talking myself all the way to the parking lot. This was a very timely article for me. I think I need to take this commitment to not trash talking myself one day at a time — a week seems impossible — or maybe even one hour at a time. Thanks Joan.
Liz, It’s interesting how these thoughts keep us stuck, but you are great at moving forward – keep on going!
Pauline, I love the “sweetie” idea (just in case we slip!). Thank you for offering-up that bit of compassion.
I love this article Joan! So right on and ‘the’ practice, yes!
On Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 10:04 PM, The Full Circle Coaching Blog: wrote:
> ** > Joan M. Shulman, MA, CPCC posted: ” photo by Nina Weinberg Doran > Gossiping about another person is never a good idea, but what about trash > talking about our selves? Isnt it interesting how we tolerate the > cruelest and most hurtful comments we make about our own bodies, our minds > and”