Shhhhhhhhhhh,
We do it all the time: “I’m not smart enough, thin enough successful enough… I could wear that dress if I lost 10lbs… No one will hire me because I’m too _______” (fill in the blank). Self-judging and criticism is a contact sport that requires some serious safety gear. The danger with these internal messages is that the longer we tell these stories, the more believable they become. There is an antidote, however, and it is not as far-reaching as you may think. When we engage in practices that make us feel good, we stimulate the positivity juices (that’s my scientific expertise talking) and reduce the opportunity for negative self-talk. Nurturing our bodies with physical movement and our minds with relaxation are sure-fire ways of keeping the internal banter to a minimum.
Easier said than done, right? Here are 5 SIMPLE tips that I personally find very helpful, and don’t require hiring a professional. Set a ridiculously reasonable goal to give one or all of them a try. Choose what appeals to you, not what you think you should want to do. Go ahead; give yourself the gift of a quiet mind.
- Find a movement activity that makes you feel good. Yoga, walking and dance are wonderful body-mind activities. Remember, this isn’t about weight loss or fitness; this is about self-compassion. If yoga appeals to you but you don’t know how to choose a class, try a few different methods before committing, and most importantly, choose an instructor with whom you connect. If you love to dance, look for a NIA class, belly dancing or African dance.
- Enlist a friend. You won’t have to look hard to find a friend who also engages in negative self-talk. Perhaps s/he would also like to minimize the chatter. Make a pact to give a nudge when the other starts heading down the rabbit hole. Vocal negative self-talk is a pretty good indicator of what’s going on inside. You may also want to reward yourselves for going one week without catching each other in the act. You don’t have to go it alone!
- Engage in Mindfulness practices. Keep a gratitude journal – jot down at least one thing a day for which you’re grateful. You’ll be surprised by the abundance you already have. Silent or guided meditation, and walking in nature are also wonderful ways to quiet the mind.
- Don’t judge. It’s difficult enough to quiet your internal dialogue, but judging yourself for doing it in the first place Does Not Help! Leave the shoulds with your shoes at the door; with the cat in the barn, with the water under the bridge, you get the picture. Just notice, without judgment. That in itself is a gift.
- Take a break from social media. Social media is a virtual Petri dish and breeding ground for negative self-talk. Sitting alone, reading about the fabulous lives or your fabulous friends or comparing your website to the fabulously famous professional who spent oodles of money to hire a fabulous marketing expert does not bode well, in fact it grows mold. Take the weekends off from checking Facebook, or stop internet use by 8PM each evening. Spend time with the people who love you. Spend time with you.
Go ahead, fill your brain space with love!
XOX,
Joan