In my last post, I discussed Brené Brown’s definition of shame and its prevalence in our culture.  Shame is a very isolating emotion, as we tend not to express it for fear of being seen as weak, soft or less-than.   The irony of hiding shame is that when we choose not to bring it into the light, we give it more power  –  like leaving the petrie dish in the closet to wait for bacteria to grow.  So, what would life look like without shame?

What if we let go of our cool, and let our freak flags fly?  What if, our lives didn’t look so neat and tidy, but showed-up a little messy and real?  Do you think the people who love you would care?  I’m not suggesting we hang our dirty laundry for the entire world to see.  I am talking about showing up as you, vulnerable, sharing openly with close connections or trying something you’re not necessarily good at.  We tend to admire this kind of courage in others, yet we cringe at the thought of exposing our selves.  We expend so much effort pleasing others, not making waves, shying away from a passion and “doing the right thing”.  When we’re busy hiding our wounds, our essence or true self goes into hiding.

Brené Brown asked the same question as above:  “What happens when we stop living in shame, fear and disconnection, and start living with courage, compassion and connection”?  Her research uncovered that our deepest search is for a life lived with three elements: 1.) Authenticity, 2.) Love and belonging, and 3.) Resilient spirit.  Brown coined this “WholeHearted Living”.

For some people, these concepts are no mystery; opening-up, practicing love, and vulnerability are accessed fairly easily.  For those who’ve struggled or been shamed by parents, bosses, or partners; shame resiliency is so foreign that it seems nearly impossible.

But wait… there’s hope!  WholeHearted Living is within our reach… for some it may take more work and much of it painful. For everyone however, (and we all need reminders) there are practices for bringing more joy and gratitude into our lives… the first step toward WholeHearted Living:

*  Here’s a sample of some of these practices:

• Accepting the ordinary and imperfect parts of our selves.
• Practicing forgiveness and self-compassion.
• Accepting that we are worthy of love.
• Telling our stories to those we trust.
• Embracing our vulnerability.

These are lofty but oh-so worthwhile goals.  I’d like to pass onto you the possibility for bringing more vibrancy and authenticity into your life.

If you could push the shame away, is there something you’ve always wanted to do or try?  What would you need to feel courageous enough to give it a try?

Yahoo!!!

Joan

* based on “Connections: A 12-Session Psychoeducational Shame-Resilience Curriculum”.  Brene Brown, Ph.D. 2009